Seems Unreal

Little do I know, time flies so fast.. I already finished my SPM and now currently waiting for an offer to further my studies. It seems so unreal. It felt so fake, so imaginary, so, hazy. It's just crazy thinking of how far I've come to reach the point of no return. It's so undeniably true.

Friends come and go, I left school, I didn't even need to worry about homework anymore.

How crazy. I just couldn't get used to this feeling. It has been 4 months now but I still can't get over the fact that I'm gonna continue my study at a University if I get offered to one. How surreal.

I think that my mind has matured a bit through this short months. I can pick myself up and can always remind myself to be who I am no matter what happens. It seems crazy. Once, I was this big girl with a lot of insecurities. I am a girl who is so introvert, I would only talk to my closest friends only and not bother about anyone else.

Thank God my personality changed.

I got outside of my comfort zone and I can assure you that it is one of the best thing I've done my entire life. I began talking to boys, made new friends, went to a lot of activities outside school and I can say, I am very proud of myself.

I missed blogging. It used to be one of my all time favorite hobbies for almost 3 years. Then I don't know what happened, it kinda drifted away through high school and SPM. 

Finally I can let my true self be free again.

I have a thought. My my thought will always be mine. I thought that I wouldn't survive SPM. I thought I am the worse human being alive for once. I thought I was alone. I once thought of killing myself. 

And then at one point I thought to myself.

Why the heck am I having all of these stupid thoughts?

There's so much to live for, so much more reason to live than TO DIE. THERE'S SO MUCH THINGS TO LEARN RATHER THAN DYING.

I was naive once. I will not be naive again.

If you think your life was rough enough, someone had it way more worse than you. 

Just digest that slowly and wisely.

I have friends that have sworn to be BFF's till the end of time and guess what?

People just can't stick to promises.

Some people can and some? They just give up on you.

I had both type of friends and I am grateful for them both.

To those who stayed and loved and accept me for who I am, for my ugly true self. Seriously, thank you.

To those who chose to turn and leave, thank you for your dedication and time putting up with my attitude and sometimes selfish behavior.

I don't blame you. I don't even want to blame myself too. Let by gones be by gones.

Free. I want to let my true self be free from all of the crazy restraints. I don't care whatever it takes, I just want to be free.

Maybe I'll write again tomorrow, maybe not.

Maybe I'll write two days later, a week later or a month later.

But surely, I don't want this blogging habit to die again.

There will be short stories coming later. Maybe about romance, love, vengeance, friends, family.

No one knows what's coming.

Even I don't know how my brain works. 

See you again later in my future posts.

Love,

Miss Surreal